Darwin FTW

I’m not one to gloat, but …

Charles Darwin just got an apology. A major apology.

Just wanted to point that out. Go back about your business.

Deja Vu

I read a while ago that deja vu isn’t anything supernatural, paranormal or metaphysical – it’s just two parts of your brain receiving the same signal a microsecond or so apart, thus creating the momentary sensation that you’ve experienced something before.

But you might have had a feeling I was going to say that.

Where No Man Has Gone Before? No

The new Star Trek film will have a new cast playing the familiar characters from The Original Series. And until that cast list was finalized last year, a lot of names were being knocked around. Remember the report that Matt Damon was going to be Kirk? Or Adrien Brody as Spock? All just rumours, as it turned out.

But these rumours are nothing new. Fans have been debating this for decades: If you had to re-do Star Trek today, who would you cast?

Here’s just one example from online fandom:

Were I in charge of the next Star Trek permutation, I would first consider recasting the original series (maybe George Clooney as Kirk, Hugo Weaving as Spock, and Gary Sinise as McCoy). - Tom Bondurant, Comics Ate My Brain, 2005

The Houston Chronicle’s Amy Bioncolli proposed Christian Bale as Kirk, Heath Ledger as Spock and Jason Lee as McCoy back around the same time, as shown in this nifty chart.

Anthony Pascale of trekmovie.com has a list at that link, too – his includes Britney Spears as Janice Rand, and he explains why, and I like his reasoning.

I found this online the other day, from artist Brian Murray:

The credits might be hard to see. That’s Thomas Jane as Kirk, Hugh Laurie as Spock, Ian McShane as McCoy, Hugh Jackman as Mitchell and Antonio Banderas as Khan (actually a pretty decent idea). This is just design work, not any serious concept, so indulge Mr. Murray. Also, it’s kind of weird, so I like it.

I have often wondered what would have happened if the movies and TNG had never been made, and Star Trek had instead been revived in the early 90s alongside other TV-to-movie stalwarts like Lost In Space, The Brady Bunch and Coneheads. Bruce Willis as Kirk? David Duchovny as Spock? Not hard to imagine. I spent a lot of time thinking about this stuff back then, which explains a lot.

As the release date for the new film approaches, I listen to a lot of debate over whether it was right to recast, whether another prequel is the best direction for Star Trek after the suckness of Enterprise’s ratings.

I think it was. I’m excited about it. Maybe it’s because TOS is my Star Trek, the first I saw and, for many years, the only Trek. Maybe it’s because I’m the guy who loves remixes and cover versions, TV edits of movies and remakes of old ones. I like seeing how someone else tells the same story.

And I’m no purist. I just can’t work up the geeky outrage that so many others can. This isn’t Shatner. So what? It’s something new. And I look forward to it. In the end, I’d rather see a new take on something familiar than yet another failed attempt to try something brand-new.

Deja Vu

I read a while ago that deja vu isn’t anything supernatural, paranormal or metaphysical – it’s just two parts of your brain receiving the same signal a microsecond or so apart, thus creating the momentary sensation that you’ve experienced something before.

But you might have had a feeling I was going to say that.

Chinese Democracy

Will there ever be a new Guns ‘n’ Roses album?

My first exposure to Guns ‘n’ Roses came in 1986, when a friend of mine passed around a cassette with some new stuff on it. Among the tracks were two or three from Appetite for Destruction, which had come out in limited release but was in no way a hit, let alone even known in Canada.

I liked what I heard, but no more than I liked new stuff from the Godfathers, Rock City Angels, Masters of Reality and Screaming Blue Messiahs that year.

And then I saw them live: Aug. 17, 1987, four friends and I drove to Toronto to see The Cult’s butt-kicking Electric tour touch down at the CNE. Guns ‘n’ Roses opened. They got a lot of booes. They were drunk and barely coherent, and by the end of their set I was glad it was over, I knew I could do what they had just done.. but I also knew I’d buy their LP when I saw it.

Months later, Sweet Child o’ Mine opened the singles floodgates and GnR were global. They wouldn’t be opening for The Cult again, that’s for sure. In 1991, the band roared back with the double-disc Use Your Illusion concept, cementing themselves with a more sophisticated sound and making sure everyone knew they were they new musical force to be reckoned with.

Then: what, the Spaghetti Incident? That piece of covers crap? No, really nothing, not since 1991. Almost two decades. And in that time, members have come and gone and gone again, leaving only Axl Rose from that classic lineup. For a while there was a guy with a chicken bucket on his head playing guitar, and now there’s one of the Replacements … he’s a newer member, only been in the band 12 years … How long has it been since the band’s heyday? It’s been so long that Axl’s current girlfriend’s parents danced to Sweet Child O’ Mine on their wedding day.

The ‘new’ album by the ‘band,’ Chinese Democracy, has been in the works for more than a decade. Rumour has it it’s coming soon, but that’s been the rumour since those Fall Out Boy guys were in diapers.

I have some thoughts on the reasons for the delay, based on careful monitoring of media, years of experience in the music industry and also making stuff up:

• Axl went back to school to earn his MBA, but kept failing Statistics, so switched to dance.
• Elusive twenty-sixth guitarist hard to come by
• The sound just isn’t right without a tuba, and the tuba union is holding out on principle
• Axl got Gilmore Girls on DVD and hasn’t been around the studio lately
• Studio balking at releasing an album with 214 tracks, all called Welcome To The Jungle II, III, IV, etc.
• Rogaine treatments interfere with studio time
• Court time for Axl’s 956 paternity suits eats up the hours
• Christmas and birthday shopping for 956 children born between 1986 and 1988 REALLY eats up the hours
• Current band hired for looks; nobody actually knows how to play instruments
• Metallica had the therapist booked

I know it’s all a big joke, and you likely do, too. Chinese Democracy? it might as well have been called Pigs Fly, or Hell Freezes Over.

Let me know if you hear anything about it. I’ll be here listening to the new Metallica.